Way too convincing
by Crazy-withacapital-K
Summary: Santana has hidden secrets that may be revealed sooner than she wants them to be. -Deep/Emotional topics. Don't read if you can't handle certain genres.- Rated M for later chapters. Enjoy. -Also- Brittana fans; I love the ship but San is straight in this.
1. So Cold

It started out a _normal _day, but then again.. They all do, don't they?

Walking home from the bus stop, books in hand, Jason ran up from behind her and squeezed her waist. Causing the brunette to jump slightly, she turned her head, sighing in relief and smiling when she noticed it was him. "Jason! Don't scare me like that" She spoke, slightly mad, but in a playful tone. Smacking his arm, he laughed. "Easy, easy! I'm fragile," he joked. "As if," she rebuttaled, rolling her eyes. Turning back on her heels, she shook her head and continued to walk in the direction of _home_.

"Wait up, wait up!" The taller boy called after her. She smiled and stopped in her tracks. "What Jason? I have to get home.. you know how my dad gets." He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets "I know, I know.. but can I at least walk you home?" He asked, reaching for her books "Here, I'll even carry these for ya'." She smirked. "Well thank you, I guess it would be fun to have company on my walk." She retorted before fixing the strap on her bag and beginning her stroll again.

Side by side they walked in silence for a brief second. Feeling the awkwardness, Santana bit her lower lip and crossed her arms, looking down at her feet as they crossed one another, again and again.

"So, umm.. How's Cheerleading? I haven't seen you around the field anymore with the other girls.. everything okay?" He asked, looking down at the girl, waiting for a response.

She could only shrug.

"I just haven't been feeling too good lately, plus my grades are slipping.. If I don't pull them up, I'll be kicked off the team anyway," she answered.

She didn't necessarily lie to the boy, but she wasn't telling him the whole truth either. Yes, her grades were going down, she guessed it's what she gets for taking all AP and honors classes. However; She knew the coach couldn't kick her off the team just because of a C average. The real reason behind it was something she was afraid to admit. When things get rough at home, she tended to keep to herself.. and she couldn't really show up in shorts and a tank top, if people were going to ask questions about the bruises she had.

Snapping back into reality, she looked up at Jason. She didn't understand, he had a look as if he was waiting for another answer.

"I'm sorry.. W-What?" She questioned, wondering if she'd missed something.

He smiled and shook his head "What's going on in that brain of yours? I swear you're getting lost in your imagination, more and more everyday.. But yeah! What I asked was if you were going to be at the game this Saturday?"

Looking forward, she realized she was nearing her house, so she quickly slowed her walking pace. "Umm.. Not sure," she said, coming to a stop altogether. Looking up she spoke once more "I'll have to ask my dad," she shrugged.

"Alright," he nodded. Looking up he peered across the street before reconnecting eyes with the shorter girl. "Well I better get going" He smiled, handing the girl her books back. "Here you go," he exclaimed. Leaning down he wrapped his arms around her, not noticing the wince she had as he did so. Hugging her tightly, he kissed her forehead playfully before releasing his hold.

She played it off with an 'You're such a weirdo' smile, but to be honest, she wasn't expecting to react the way she did. "Alright.. See you tomorrow?" She winked.

"See you then," he returned, smugly, before saluting and jogging away.

She smiled contently for a second before turning back around and heading the rest of the way home. No matter what happened, she knew Jason was there for her. Even if he was clueless and a dork, he was her best friend, and she needed him more than ever now-whether she knew it or not.

* * *

Finally out of the shower.

She reached for her towel. drying her face first. Sighing into the cloth as she thought of how much water she just wasted. "How was that even possible?" She thought. Shrugging it off, she knew under the warmth of the water is where she thought her most. About school, life, people, sports, everything. She felt safe in the shower, open minded, in a way.. Free.

Feeling a light breeze, she shivered, snapping out of her thought process.

Bending over, she slowly ran the towel over her leg, eyeing each and every mark she had. Distracting herself, she looked at the tiles instead.

When she finished drying she opened the bathroom door, which conveniently went directly into her bedroom. This was something she was always thankful for, due to the fact that she didn't always _remember_ to bring clothes with her when she showered.

Passing the walkway that connects both doors, she passed the mirror on the way to her closet. Normally she passed it, got her clothes, and got dressed.. but not today. She paused. Looking at a person she didn't recognize, for the first time.

It couldn't have been her. She was strong, independent, and didn't take anything from anyone.. but that's not the girl she saw when she looked in the mirror. No. It wasn't even close to being that girl.

The girl she saw was weak, damaged, _broken_.. She saw a girl, full of fear and rage. So many emotions behind those dark eyes, too many to even begin to understand. She saw a girl who had been tricked, manipulated, and hurt, by someone who was supposed to love her.

She didn't know this girl at all, but she feared she would soon enough.

Stepping closer to an unknown reflection, she touched the girls marked skin, hitching her breath as she felt the small surge of pain she got from it. She couldn't believe it was her. She couldn't and she didn't want to.. but it was her, she knew it was. Looking down at her body and then back at the reflection, her eyes began to swell.

She couldn't handle it. Shutting her eyes tightly, she didn't want to reopen them, knowing that the image wasn't going away.

She pushed herself away, accidentally pushing the mirror over. It fell and shattered at her feet. Keeping her eyes closed, the tears began to cascade down her face as she stepped on the broken shards.

She couldn't help the next wave of pain that came over her.

Not only was it physical, but mental as well. Everything hit her. She had been living a lie, that was clear now. All the times she convinced others that she was okay, she was lying to herself. Trying to keep everything in only made the feelings grow. She tried her hardest to make everything disappear, but she knew it would all come back one day.

Today was that day.

She bit her lip, hard, almost to the point of drawing blood. She wanted to keep quiet but the pain.. The pain from her feet, the pain from the marks and bruises, the pain from the physical and mental abuse. It was a flood of feelings and she couldn't keep them from swarming to her head. Opening her eyes, she looked down at the floor. The broken pieces of glass, the newly found blood stains on her carpet, the marks on her legs.

It felt as if she had been punched in the chest. The wind knocked from her lungs as she gasped for air and fell to her knees.

If she wasn't already hurt, she was now. The glass pushed deeper into her skin as she hit the floor with a loud thud. Her silent cries, now turning into loud sobs as she took a deep breath, it was overwhelming. She couldn't help it when the screams began to fall with ease from her lips.

It began to be too much, causing a wave of coldness to overcome her body. Everything went silent. Everything went dark.


	2. Cry

_I'm talking in circles  
I'm lying, they know it  
Why won't this just all go away_

_Is it over yet?  
Can I open my eyes?  
Is this as hard as it gets?  
Is this what it feels like to really cry?  
Cry  
Cry_

* * *

**SANTANA'S POV:**

_He called for me._

_Turning my head to look at the clock on my night stand, I saw the time. My mom wasn't home yet, but he had just gotten there. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest as I thought of a plan. Hearing the steps of the stairs creak, I knew I had to think fast or he would reach me before it was too late. Throwing my textbook to the floor, I lifted my hips, quickly sliding under the covers. Reaching out, I pulled the lamp chord, turning it off quickly. I laid on my side, opposite of the door, and closed my eyes quickly. I could hear the sound of my own heart beat and it freaked me out more than the anticipation of him reaching my door. I prepared for the worst but hoped for the best as I pretended to be asleep._

_I held my breath and tried to relax my eyes as I heard the twist of the doorknob. He was here. "Please, Please, Please.. Don't let him know that I'm awake," I pleaded silently. Not knowing if there was a higher power or not, but hoping, praying that something would be different this time. That the odds would be in my favor for once. He opened the door slowly and peered in before walking over to my bed. Whispering my name, it almost made me twitch with disgust, as he tried to see if I was awake._

_I kept my position._

_After a few more times of calling my name, he figured that I was out for the night. I almost couldn't stay still any longer, so when he walked away and I heard the door shut, I let out a deep sigh that I was unaware I was holding in. Feeling myself relax, only slightly, against the mattress. I got lucky this time. "Thank you..," I whispered, as if speaking to this "higher power" once more. Still unaware if there was one, however; something or someone had to have been helping me out tonight._

_I wait about 20 minutes before I sit up on my bed. Moving the hair from my eyes, I push it behind my ears before leaning over and turning my lamp back on. I lift my comforter and slide out from underneath it as quietly as I could, before going over to the opening of my closet and picking up the open textbook. I sighed lightly, realizing that I've lost my page. "The fact that I have to pretend to be asleep just so I can get my science homework done is just sad. I'm already not doing good in the class. This just adds on to the time I don't get to sleep.," I thought to myself._

_Everything's a chain reaction. I have to stay up late to finish homework, so the next day I'm tired and I fall asleep in class. Once I fall asleep, I get irritable and eventually kicked out of class, causing me to miss the lesson. Everything leads to something worse. "I'm going to end up kicked off the cheerleading team and flunking junior year if I can't get this together," I spoke quietly._

* * *

_"I'm finished!" I all but shouted in victory. Finally done with my 4 page Science assignment, completed my 26 Math problems, and even got a little ahead with the beginning of my English project._

_I felt accomplished, at least for now anyway. I was done and it wasn't too late. Almost 1am, but that was nothing to the time I usually get around to being done with everything. Stretching my arms out, I moved my assignments to the left side of the bed before sliding out from under the comforter one more time. Bending down, I touched my toes, finishing my stretch before going over to my room door. I figured my mom would be home by now and everyone would already be asleep, so I decided to go down stairs for a drink of water._

_Reaching the kitchen, I slid across the floor in my bright, neon pink and blue socks. Reaching the cabinets, I grabbed a glass before going to the fridge and getting out the water pitcher. I filled my glass once and downed the drink before refilling it and setting the jug back in the fridge. Humming as I started for my room, drink in hand, I walked slowly up the stairs._

_Sighing sheepishly as I entered my room, I shut the door behind myself and walked back over to the bed. Setting my glass down on the night stand, I began to remove the work from my resting place. Organizing the papers before I slipped them into my backpack. Bringing the double zipper to the top of the bag, I grabbed the straps, taking it over and setting it down next to my door, ready for school when I got up in the morning. Just as I was finished, I made my way back to the bed. Jumping on top of the Queen sized mattress, I heard my doorknob twist. Propping myself up on my elbows, I quickly directed my attention to the door, wishing I hadn't when I saw his face._

_He entered my room in silence, but with that same smug grin on his face as always. Stepping all the way inside, he turned and shut the door. I knew it was locked when I heard the light click. - Fear began to surge through my body, once I heard the louder than expected sound. I quickly changed my position from leaning against my elbows to sitting, knees slightly clutched to my chest, all the way up against my headboard._

_He smiled, smiled as if nothing was wrong._

_Making his way to my bed, he sat down on the edge calmly. "Come here," he all but asked, patting his right leg. It wasn't until I didn't move that his tone of voice changed. "I told you to come here, don't make me tell you twice." Moving slowly, I finally complied before crawling over to him, sitting awkwardly on his lap like when I was a little girl.. but I wasn't a little girl anymore, and he knew that all too well._

_My stomach twisted and tangled as I felt him lean in and sniff my hair. A sound of satisfaction passing his lips as he brought his left hand up, resting it on my thigh. I felt uncomfortable, and I know he knew I did. "Relax," he whispered, more than once, into my ear. I could smell the alcohol on his breath as he leaned in further and pressed his lip to my bare shoulder._

_I made a face in disgust but he didn't see. His lips now trailing up my neck as his hand did the same to my hips. I cursed myself for not wearing pants today. I shook my head as his hands slid up my shirt, waiting no time to knead my bra covered breast. "Please don't.." I whispered, the fear coming across shakily in my voice._

_Stopping the movement of his hand, he removed his lips from my skin and looked up. Asking in a angry growl, "What did you say?"_

_I gulped and bit my tongue before speaking softer "I-I said.. Please don't.." Knowing that when I refused him, things would just be worse for me. I couldn't help it though. I was tired, I was damaged, I was sickened. I didn't want it to happen again, I had to say something, right? Little did I know I should have just kept my mouth shut._

_A smack to face was only the beginning. Though I thought it was the end. The sting from his hand burned but I sighed in relief as I watched him exit my room. Staying in the same position I was in, I rubbed the side of my face, that was until he re-entered my room. Re-entered my room with the camping rope._

_"No, no, no.. please," I begged, tears swelling as I knew what was going to happen. I had disobeyed him before; Worst mistake of my life. Shaking my hand as a few tears fell from my eyes. I scooted back, still begging. "Please, please, no.. I'll do anything.." I heard the lock of the door again and he moved toward me. "I'll do anything, anything! Please.." I promised, but their was no reasoning with him._

_Grabbed by the forearm, he flipped me around and pressed my face into the mattress. Using his knee to pin me down as he tied my hands together behind my back. "Please!" I sobbed, loudly. "Please don't do this.." I begged. He grabbed me by the hair when his tying was done, pulling me up to look him in the eyes. "You asked for it," he replied before pulling me all the way up and pushing be onto my back. I just continued to shake my head "No, no.. no.. please, please" I cried out._

* * *

Santana's eyes snapped open as she took a deep breath, nearly falling out of the hospital bed as she did so. Beginning to panic, she didn't know where she was.

She saw no familiar faces. People in white coats and face masks. Unaware that she was in the hospital. Gripping the sheets around her she threw them off and grabbed her knees before clutching them to her chest. She could feel the pain from when her recently open cuts had pressed against the bandages on her skin. Shaking slightly, the nurses turned to the girl. Reaching out, they tried to help her calm down.

Big mistake.

Santana nearly lost it as she threw her hands up, screaming Bloody Mary. She gripped her head as she thrashed from side to side, her cheeks stinging from the fiery tears falling from her eyes. All she could see were these strange people coming at her, her own yelling echoing in her ears. Ringing like a fire alarm.

The nurses came in, more of them this time. "Hold her down" She heard on of them shout. "No!" She yelled back in response, only making it worse when she tried to push them away, not knowing that they were trying to help. "We need to sedate her!" she heard another one yell. Taking a total of 5 nurses to hold her down, they injected her with a sedative. Screaming "No, no.. no!" One last time before it was lights out again for her.

She had been unaware that it was just a flashback, but the fact that the nurses didn't know what she had been through to get to this state didn't help at all. Little did they know that they just made things a lot worse for the girl.


	3. Upon Awakening

_What he doesn't know, can't hurt me.  
What I never say, can't haunt me._

* * *

"San?" Jason whispered, softly. The Latina smiled lightly, though it was pretty clear that she was unaware of her natural reaction to the boys company. It was clear that he noticed though, smiling back as he gently brushed his thumb over the back of her hand. His smile widening as she grumbled something in her sleep. Licking her partially dry lips, she whispered something else before turning her head slightly, her eyes slowly fluttering open. Her vision cloud, at first, she squinted and blinked a few times, trying to regain her sight. Once her eyes adjusted and she saw the bright lights, she looked at the ceiling before glancing down at her hand. Following her gaze from Jason's fingers, up to his arm and then to his face, she noticed who he was. Reaching up with her free hand she rubbed her eyes before looking to her right, hearing a beeping noise. Recognizing the monitor, she looked around a bit more before speaking, hoarsely "A-Am I in the hospital?" She asked, figuring that her previous encounter with the nurses had all be just a dream.

Jason was confused; honestly, she had been in the hospital for four days and didn't remember any of it?

"Umm..," he muttered, thinking of how to respond. "San, you've been here for almost a whole school week.. Do you not remember? You kept freaking out on everyone and they needed to sedate you. You woke up one night.. Just screaming, going completely crazy and no one knew why," he exclaimed, now slightly worried. "Do you really not remember?" He asked once more, hoping that it would trigger some kind of memory pertaining to previous events.

Dropping the boy's hand, Santana raised an eyebrow before slowly sitting up against the bed. "What are you talking about?" Thinking back to what she thought was a dream, she shook her head before looking back up at Jason's face. "I've been here for four days! How is that even possible? I remember something with nurses and them holding me down, but-but I thought that was just a dream.. This can't be possible. I've missed an entire week and haven't even realized it?" Shaking her head once more, she brought her hands to her face. Sighing into her palms, she tried to make sense of the situation.

Taking a minute to breath, she collected her thoughts. Slowly sliding her hands down and off her face, she looked up once more. "So, today's Thursday or Friday?"

"Friday," Jason answered.

Nodding, she mumbled 'Okay' before turning her head and holding up her hand, as if to pause the conversation. "Wait, why aren't you in school then?" Folding her arms, she settled back against the pillows, waiting for her answer. Seeing him smirk, smugly, she smiled. Downing down the cockiness factor, he shrugged before speaking truthfully. "Ehh, you're in the hospital.. I would rather get in trouble and be here with you, than go to school and feel like a terrible friend."

Santana smiled contently before speaking once more, gaining almost all of her normal voice tone back. "Awwh.." She stated before reached up and punching him in the arm. Both of them now laughing as Jason gripped her _wound_, Santana shook her head. "Even if I am in the hospital, it's almost the end of the year and I _know _you want to pass English," she stated, matter-of-factly.

"Yeah, yeah," he deflected, rolling his eyes playfully. Shaking her head again she crossed her legs before making room for Jason. Taking notice of the action, he raised his eyebrows a few times before hopping up on the, surprisingly comfortable, bed. Being the weirdo that he was, she moved to the left side of the bed, making it to where she could still lie down, but so that he could as well. Giggling lightly, Santana turned on her left side, propping herself up on the arm without the IV in it. Jason, mimicking her action, leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the Latina girl's forehead.

Sighing happily, Santana closed her eyes at the contact before reopening them and smiling brighter than before. Moving her arm, she rested her head on the pillow before shaking lightly at the breeze that randomly decided to stroll into her room.

Jason was always good at noticing things. Well, he kind of had to be, he liked Santana. They had been friends for years now and he knew her better than he probably knew himself. Noticing the reaction to the breeze, he looked down at the bed before moving and taking a hold of the blanket. Bringing it up, he placed it over the girl, smiling as he showed compassion in trying to warm her up.

Santana never really liked the idea of "All mine," so being the person that she was, she blushed lightly before opening up the blanket a bit and leaning over, draping it over the taller boy as well.

Complying quickly, he scooted closer and wrapped his arms, gently, around Santana, full aware of all the marks she had on her body. Being close together let them both stay warm, and neither one could complain about the closeness. It made Santana feel safe and Jason did always like to feel like _the protector._

It wasn't like they haven't been that close before though. Jason and Santana hung out all the time-fell asleep on the couch together once. Both their parents knew that they were best friends so they never had a problem with the co-ed sleepovers they had with one another. They were the touchy feely type of friends, and it worked out too because they both loved the others company.

Sighing happily, Santana moved closer into Jason's arms, leaning her head against his chest before closing her eyes slowly. It didn't hurt her to be close to him; yes the pain was still there, but he made her forget about it, for not at least.

Jason smiled as he mimicked her action by closing his eyes. Feeling safe for once in a long time, Santana let her body fully relax into Jason's hold. Jason felt the girl's body relax; this made him smile, knowing that she felt okay enough around him to let her guard down. Kissing her forehead once more, she whispered "I'll stay with you for as long as you want.."

Santana didn't know how he always knew the right things to say, but he always did. Staying silent for a brief second, she took a small breath before whispering with a true smile into the fabric of his t-shirt. "Thank you.. for_ always_ being there."


End file.
